Till the Twins series do we part

It is a poster we've had for, oh, I don't know ... the past three or four years. Every year, about this time, Minnesota's Twins come to town and we have to make at least one game. Prior to three little hellions in the household, Army of Dad made every homestand game - with or without Army of Mom. A few times he called in sick. Other times he used vacation, but he didn't miss a Twins series in Texas. Until the past two years. Keeping one parent home with the children is just a little too much financial strain to shell out the big bucks required to attend a major league baseball game - even if it is just for one person. So, we are planning on going to the last Twins' visit to Ameriquest Field (still hard for me to call it that, but that is another blog entry) on Thursday.

I say we PLAN to go because I'm having cryosurgery, which sounds so ominous, but really isn't, tomorrow morning. Army of Granny came up to watch kiddos for us. Army of Dad said we will only go if I feel up to it. I don't think I'll feel up for much, but what the hell? I'd rather be cramping and bleeding at Ameriquest Field while watching hunky young men in baseball pants than sitting home and doing the same with three children under my feet.

The link talks about what I'm having done Thursday morning. Sounds like lots of fun. Don't read this over breakfast or if you have a weak stomach as you may hurl like Stinkerbelle did on Pickle tonight.

http://my.webmd.com/hw/womens_conditions/hw28006.asp?lastselectedguid={5FE84E90-BC77-4056-A91C-9531713CA348}

But, it's all good. Yeah, right. I don't believe me either. Make sure you click on the little camera that shows you what a cervix looks like. No, it isn't a real one, but an artist's rendering of a cervix. Add a few more flab rolls to the drawing and that is exactly what mine looks like. I guess ... since I'm not that flexible, I wouldn't know.

Back to baseball - a much more favorable topic. Army of Dad and I made a sign that we carry to the Ballpark, er Ameriquest Field when the Twins come to town. It reads "Till the Twins Series Do We Part" and then has our names and hometowns on the bottom. He'll wear his Minnesota hat, T-shirt and jersey. I'll have on my Rangers hat and jersey. I actually have less Rangers attire than he has Twins attire. But, we create quite the scene. He is usually high-fiving other Twins' fans and I'm usually cowering in my seat eating sunflower seeds when he is yelling obscenities toward the field or toward some drunk redneck in the rows around us. Since we can't afford $40 seats, we are usually surrounded by the wife-beater wearing Bubbas drinking some cheap beer and scratching their asses. I'm so proud sometimes to be a Rangers fan. I'm thinking about making a "Circle Me Bert" sign, but I'm not sure if we'd ever figure out if we made it on TV or not. In case you don't know, Bert Blyleven is one of the commentators for the Twins on their hometown sports network. He likes to do a Madden-type move and he circles people in the stands. So, in the Metrodome, people have signs that say Circle Me Bert and he will ... we ought to get noticed. Can't be too many of those in Texas.

If you're watching the game at home Thursday night, just look for the unhappily married Twins vs. Rangers couple in the stands. He'll be the one drinking Shiner and yelling obscenities and I'll be the one balled over cramping from cryosurgery. We'll be quite the combination.

But, so far, he is ahead in this four-game series. Twins are up two to one. The Rangers go to the Twin Cities next week for three more days of torture. Wish me luck.