God's plans
I think everything happens for a reason. It may not be a reason we like and it may be years or maybe never before we ever figure out why, but God always has a reason for the things that happen. Sort of like that Garth Brooks' song ... I thank God for unanswered prayers. If you ever listen to it, it makes perfect sense. We pray for something and it doesn't happen and we get mad at God and then later, sometimes years later, we figure out that God knew what he was doing.
I've seen this in action so many times recently. I've been questioning my faith and God and why I've had to go through so many things lately. My health concerns, the tragedies happening in my brother's life, my friends' issues ... and lately, a few things have made sense.
Blogger Labkat, known to AOD as 2 of 5, got the fateful call this week about having an abnormal pap smear. I tried to be strong when she called me. I knew she was scared and the worst part is I know how awful she feels and I can't make it stop. That codependent part of me that I've been trying to repress reared its ugly head trying to tell her how to deal with everything and what to do. I wanted to fix it so bad, that it hurt. In all likelihood, she'll be fine and get through it just like I did. But, I know that nagging little fear in the back of her mind. Hell, I had it, too. You're scared. You're frustrated and most of all, you're embarrassed to have all this attention focused on your crotch without a baby coming out of it. For some reason, giving birth makes the focus on your vaginal area not so bad, but any other attention there that isn't sexual is a bad thing. I couldn't even get to her and give her a hug. But, I'll get to be there for any procedures. How many friends would be there for you to have your cervix checked out? But, I feel like an old pro at it. But, I digress. The ADD is hitting me full force (always does this time of day). The point I was trying to make is that maybe God had this happen to me so I could be there for 2 of 5. Just maybe I had to go through it so I could help her get through it.
My sister-in-law is a volunteer director at a food pantry for needy folks in a suburban part of Indiana. She has been struggling with continuing that mission or getting a job as a teacher at her daughter's preschool. Her answer came to her this week. She parked in a different parking lot for soccer practice for one of her boys. Then her 3-year-old Stinkerbelle (she gave me that name, thank you very much for loaning it to me) insisted that she carry her purse to the field. Good thing, too. A woman approached her and asked to borrow her cell phone. So, they are walking toward the parking lot together and talking. This woman is a single mom who lost her job last month. She has to cut off her cell service, her cable, her Internet (*gasp* I would probably die first!) and spoke about the ordeal of trying to get by. Then, the woman asked sister-in-law what she does for a living and she told her and then invited this woman to come to the food pantry and take advantage of it. God gave her a clear answer to her question in the form or helping this woman and her daughter.
Maybe all of these things are supposed to be reminders to us to spend a little more time relying on God instead of ourselves. Maybe he is reaching out a proverbial hand to smack me upside the head and tell me to go to Mass sometime or to stop trying to handle all the mess alone. I push Army of Dad away and won't let him in most of the time. It is my way of coping. But, I know I need to let him be the husband and shoulder some of the burden. Again, that little codependent part of me that feels responsible for his happiness doesn't want to trouble him. I want him to be happy 24/7. Guess what? He isn't and it isn't my fault or my problem. He is responsible for himself. *trying to convince myself*
Just thinking about all this and I can feel my shoulders tensing up. Anyway ... back to the original theme for this posting ... God has a plan and it is up to us to trust in Him and allow Him to have control, which soooo hard for me to do. *third time is a charm* Codependents want to have all the control to fix everything and we usually just mess it up more. But, I'm working on it. I'm spending more time in prayer and I think it is helping. I received the message loud and clear.
I've seen this in action so many times recently. I've been questioning my faith and God and why I've had to go through so many things lately. My health concerns, the tragedies happening in my brother's life, my friends' issues ... and lately, a few things have made sense.
Blogger Labkat, known to AOD as 2 of 5, got the fateful call this week about having an abnormal pap smear. I tried to be strong when she called me. I knew she was scared and the worst part is I know how awful she feels and I can't make it stop. That codependent part of me that I've been trying to repress reared its ugly head trying to tell her how to deal with everything and what to do. I wanted to fix it so bad, that it hurt. In all likelihood, she'll be fine and get through it just like I did. But, I know that nagging little fear in the back of her mind. Hell, I had it, too. You're scared. You're frustrated and most of all, you're embarrassed to have all this attention focused on your crotch without a baby coming out of it. For some reason, giving birth makes the focus on your vaginal area not so bad, but any other attention there that isn't sexual is a bad thing. I couldn't even get to her and give her a hug. But, I'll get to be there for any procedures. How many friends would be there for you to have your cervix checked out? But, I feel like an old pro at it. But, I digress. The ADD is hitting me full force (always does this time of day). The point I was trying to make is that maybe God had this happen to me so I could be there for 2 of 5. Just maybe I had to go through it so I could help her get through it.
My sister-in-law is a volunteer director at a food pantry for needy folks in a suburban part of Indiana. She has been struggling with continuing that mission or getting a job as a teacher at her daughter's preschool. Her answer came to her this week. She parked in a different parking lot for soccer practice for one of her boys. Then her 3-year-old Stinkerbelle (she gave me that name, thank you very much for loaning it to me) insisted that she carry her purse to the field. Good thing, too. A woman approached her and asked to borrow her cell phone. So, they are walking toward the parking lot together and talking. This woman is a single mom who lost her job last month. She has to cut off her cell service, her cable, her Internet (*gasp* I would probably die first!) and spoke about the ordeal of trying to get by. Then, the woman asked sister-in-law what she does for a living and she told her and then invited this woman to come to the food pantry and take advantage of it. God gave her a clear answer to her question in the form or helping this woman and her daughter.
Maybe all of these things are supposed to be reminders to us to spend a little more time relying on God instead of ourselves. Maybe he is reaching out a proverbial hand to smack me upside the head and tell me to go to Mass sometime or to stop trying to handle all the mess alone. I push Army of Dad away and won't let him in most of the time. It is my way of coping. But, I know I need to let him be the husband and shoulder some of the burden. Again, that little codependent part of me that feels responsible for his happiness doesn't want to trouble him. I want him to be happy 24/7. Guess what? He isn't and it isn't my fault or my problem. He is responsible for himself. *trying to convince myself*
Just thinking about all this and I can feel my shoulders tensing up. Anyway ... back to the original theme for this posting ... God has a plan and it is up to us to trust in Him and allow Him to have control, which soooo hard for me to do. *third time is a charm* Codependents want to have all the control to fix everything and we usually just mess it up more. But, I'm working on it. I'm spending more time in prayer and I think it is helping. I received the message loud and clear.
1 Comments:
At 12:52 AM, September 04, 2004,
Uzz said…
Well you know my opinion on this...I KNOW that He makes everything happen for a reason. I will not go into all the things that have happened to me over my life, but suffice it to say that there is always something positive that comes from those trying times...even with the death of my sister. I have always believed that one of the most immeasurable ways we become stronger is through our adversity and how we cope with it. There has to be a reason for it. If you really want some logical writings on the subject, I HIGHLY recommend "Mere Christianity" and "The Problem of Pain", both by C.S. Lewis...you can borrow them from me anytime...also "A Grief Observed" by Lewis is equally amazing when struggling with why God lets negative things happen to us.
Anyway...don't shut yourself off to AoD when you are in need of someone to shoulder the burden...he is there for that very reason and he is a pretty logical guy to boot! I have had many friends tell me that I need to stop looking inwardly for answers to life's difficult questions...its part of our human nature to be selfish...but to look to see how we might help others who are in need...I still struggle with that.
Anyway...I don't mean to sound like an Oprah episode, but I do believe that God always show us the way even though we may cloud the path with our own pride.
Finally this...then I will shut up...George MacDonald wrote, "The Son of God suffered unto the death, not that men might suffer, but that their sufferings might be like His." Something to think about:-)
My $.02
Uzz
P.S. Go Bush and Go Cowboys...the end.
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