Anxiety

Remember that Billy Joel song "Pressure"? That is sort of how I feel these days. Those people who know me are probably surprised to know that I'm racked with anxiety from time to time, but today is one of those days. I still have that God-awful pain in my back between my shoulder blades and up into my neck. That is bad enough, but I have to go to the doctor this morning and shell out my percentage of the dough and do all the pre-op stuff, which I think involves an x-ray and bloodwork. Joy. I'm stressed about my paychecks getting here eventually so I can pay the bills. That is one of the suck-ass parts of being a freelance writer, waiting for the publications to pay me.

But, I think most of all, I'm starting to get a little scared at the prospect of surgery this week. I'm having a ganglion cyst removed and it sounds pretty harmless, but they're going to knock me out and do it in the hospital. That aspect of it scares me. You'd think after three c-sections and a breast biopsy that I could handle pretty much anything, but I'm scared. I don't want to be in a splint or cast for a few weeks. I don't want to have the post-op pain. I don't want to pay the bills that are going to crop up with this.

Plus, I hate waking up at 5 a.m.