A teary kind of day
Today has been one filled with tears all day. I know that PMS must be hitting, because it has been a good day, just a lot of things have made me really sad. I woke up at 4:45 a.m. and that probably isn't helping. The kids were in good moods this morning and got to school ok. I got the cake baked last night and iced this morning and dropped it off at the school (the PTA was making cakes and pies for the teachers) on the way to taking Little Bit to preschool. It has been raining cats and dogs off on and on all day.
I drove my a church that has a food pantry for the needy and immediately felt like a pig because I was feeling sorry for myself for having to carry a cake and the baby in to the school with my recuperating arm - all in the rain. Then, I look at these people standing in the rain waiting to get some food. I was reminded that I simply worry about when and what, in particular, we will be eating later. I never have to worry about whether or not we will eat.
Then, I heard more about the crazy bitch who cut off her baby's arms and let it bleed to death while she sat on the couch listening to hymns. I know she has to be crazy because no mother would do that. But, this has ripped my heart apart. I suffered from post-partum depression and I remember wishing I could just die and not knowing why I felt so bad when things were so good in my life. But, I also remember thinking that I have to get better because my children need me. I sought help from a counselor and she helped me through it and I was fine in about three months with some cognitive behavioral therapy. Never - NEVER - did the thought of hurting my children come into the picture. Now, I'm sure this bitch isn't right, but I don't care. I would like to rip off her arms and douse her with Tabasco sauce. A baby. An innocent infant. I just keep picturing this baby fighting her while she cut her arms off. God help her.
Then, I heard The Good Stuff by Kenny Chesney and lost it all over again.
It is going to be one of those days. I'm off now for Thanksgiving lunch with Hot Rod at his school. He is SOOOO excited about getting some pumpkin pie. He has been asking for pumpkin pie for two weeks now. Every day. Several times a day. I may have to make two this year.
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I wrote this post earlier and it wouldn't let me post ... hope it will now.
I drove my a church that has a food pantry for the needy and immediately felt like a pig because I was feeling sorry for myself for having to carry a cake and the baby in to the school with my recuperating arm - all in the rain. Then, I look at these people standing in the rain waiting to get some food. I was reminded that I simply worry about when and what, in particular, we will be eating later. I never have to worry about whether or not we will eat.
Then, I heard more about the crazy bitch who cut off her baby's arms and let it bleed to death while she sat on the couch listening to hymns. I know she has to be crazy because no mother would do that. But, this has ripped my heart apart. I suffered from post-partum depression and I remember wishing I could just die and not knowing why I felt so bad when things were so good in my life. But, I also remember thinking that I have to get better because my children need me. I sought help from a counselor and she helped me through it and I was fine in about three months with some cognitive behavioral therapy. Never - NEVER - did the thought of hurting my children come into the picture. Now, I'm sure this bitch isn't right, but I don't care. I would like to rip off her arms and douse her with Tabasco sauce. A baby. An innocent infant. I just keep picturing this baby fighting her while she cut her arms off. God help her.
Then, I heard The Good Stuff by Kenny Chesney and lost it all over again.
It is going to be one of those days. I'm off now for Thanksgiving lunch with Hot Rod at his school. He is SOOOO excited about getting some pumpkin pie. He has been asking for pumpkin pie for two weeks now. Every day. Several times a day. I may have to make two this year.
~~~~
I wrote this post earlier and it wouldn't let me post ... hope it will now.
5 Comments:
At 3:16 PM, November 23, 2004,
Anonymous said…
"I would like to rip off her arms and douse her with Tabasco sauce."
That's woman I know and love so much. Thing is AoM probably could/would rip off someone's arms-if they were trying to hurt our kids. Of course only if they were still alive after I got through with them.
I can't imagine what the hell is wrong with people that they could even fathom to do that kind of stuff to anyone, much less their own kid!
Army of Dad
At 3:38 PM, November 23, 2004,
Army of Mom said…
Every time I think about this poor baby and her family, I start to cry. I just can't fathom doing something like that to any child - especially my own!
And, PMS, God truly works in mysterious ways. You are such a blessing to your family and community!
At 7:27 PM, November 23, 2004,
bheagle said…
I saw your comments over at Right Thinking Girl also. Very well said.
"The Good Stuff", by Kenny Chesney is an awesome song - one of my favorites. Although, when listening to the first verse, I can't help but wonder what kind of bartender would serve milk in favor of booze to a patron.
I like your writing. I'll definitely be back.
At 7:52 AM, November 24, 2004,
Army of Mom said…
Thanks for visiting the blog. I'm pretty proud of my little home on the Internet.
As far as the bartender in The Good Stuff, I often wonder (when listening to the song) how a recovering alcoholic can handle being a bartender. NOTE to non-country fans who don't know the song: the bartender tells the singer that he spent years "in a bottle" when his wife died of cancer, but he has been sober for the past few years when the singer comes in the bar after a fight with his wife. Good tune.
At 12:23 PM, November 24, 2004,
bheagle said…
Lyrics to the song here for anyone who is interested.
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