A swift kick in the pants
God has a way of providing me with a gentle reminder from time to time when I'm being an ass.
I'm on a daily prayer chain for the University of North Texas staff and faculty - even though I haven't worked there in almost six years - but it is a great way to start the day. It includes a prayer, a "thought" for the day and then prayer requests. I have used it many times for requests and it always serves as a good way to remind me that I'm blessed and don't have to endure some of the horrible things other families are going through.
Today, as He often does, God sent a message through that email that equates to a smack on the back of the head.
Part of the email had this:
"I'm thinking a lot about the victims of the Tsunami. My prayer for today's list would be that we keep these precious people in our prayers. The Bible says that "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (James 1:27)"
Ok, I don't think anything could convince me that I need to have forgiveness in my heart more than this. I can't let evil people in the world cloud me against everyone. It is very easy to do, especially after being a rape victim - you learn not to trust anyone. I couldn't trust men - even those who loved me and would never hurt me - for a very long time. After 9/11, I have a hard time trusting anyone that I think may hurt us. Sometimes, it seems much easier to say 'screw them all' instead of trying to help, but I still feel resentment and hatred toward that part of the world that hates us so much, but I'm going to work on it. Not because I've been called a wingnut or moron (no offense Kat, I know you meant those terms with affection *smooches*) but because I believe that God doesn't want me to hate others - even if they deserve it. Forgiveness is truly not about letting the offending person get away with what they have done or have been perceived to have done, it is about reaching within your soul and saying, I can let this go. God will never forgive you of your sins if you hold grudges. I have been told that since I was a child and I work very hard to not hold on to them, but it is really hard when you've been shit on repeatedly by someone. But, I'm working on it. It isn't fun to be a bitter person and it really isn't like me either.
Ok, my diatribe is over. Resume daily activities. I'm sure I'll post something off-color later today to make up for having a heart.
I'm on a daily prayer chain for the University of North Texas staff and faculty - even though I haven't worked there in almost six years - but it is a great way to start the day. It includes a prayer, a "thought" for the day and then prayer requests. I have used it many times for requests and it always serves as a good way to remind me that I'm blessed and don't have to endure some of the horrible things other families are going through.
Today, as He often does, God sent a message through that email that equates to a smack on the back of the head.
Part of the email had this:
"I'm thinking a lot about the victims of the Tsunami. My prayer for today's list would be that we keep these precious people in our prayers. The Bible says that "Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world." (James 1:27)"
Ok, I don't think anything could convince me that I need to have forgiveness in my heart more than this. I can't let evil people in the world cloud me against everyone. It is very easy to do, especially after being a rape victim - you learn not to trust anyone. I couldn't trust men - even those who loved me and would never hurt me - for a very long time. After 9/11, I have a hard time trusting anyone that I think may hurt us. Sometimes, it seems much easier to say 'screw them all' instead of trying to help, but I still feel resentment and hatred toward that part of the world that hates us so much, but I'm going to work on it. Not because I've been called a wingnut or moron (no offense Kat, I know you meant those terms with affection *smooches*) but because I believe that God doesn't want me to hate others - even if they deserve it. Forgiveness is truly not about letting the offending person get away with what they have done or have been perceived to have done, it is about reaching within your soul and saying, I can let this go. God will never forgive you of your sins if you hold grudges. I have been told that since I was a child and I work very hard to not hold on to them, but it is really hard when you've been shit on repeatedly by someone. But, I'm working on it. It isn't fun to be a bitter person and it really isn't like me either.
Ok, my diatribe is over. Resume daily activities. I'm sure I'll post something off-color later today to make up for having a heart.
11 Comments:
At 8:29 AM, January 04, 2005,
Uzz said…
:-)
At 8:52 AM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
AoM, God forgives ANYTHING if we ask him, our sin (unforgiveness certainly among them) can further us from the Father, but to say the He will never forgive you if you don't forgive others is a terrible thing to tell a child, much less yourself as you get older and should know better. It's His job, we are but fallen creatures striving and failing to be like His Son. He wants us to forgive others because it hardens our hearts, not just against others whom we are commanded to love, but ultimately towards Him. I certainly is not an unforgiveable sin.
At 10:22 AM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Well I am going to continue hating parts of the world. Lets just remember the horrible things done there and plotted there. All with tacit approval of the governments in that area.
Fuck them all. Very hard and as frequently as possible. Need I remind anyone of the Arab street's reaction to 9/11? For fucks sake people, "palestinians" were dancing in the street, ululating and passing out candy and sweets. The only reason we never saw any pictures from Indonesia is there is very little media covering that backwards little shithole.
There are those who say America got our comeupance on 9/11, well what goes around comes around.
Sidenote: Why are there any westerners vacationing in an Islamist country to begin with?
Army of Dad
At 11:28 AM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
I was having trouble putting a face on the disaster, so to speak, until Sunday, when one of our priests talked about having a book as a child about people from around the world and being able to see how the people looked. It was obviously a strong memory for him, and somehow it touched me and let me think of the people killed/injured/displaced by the earthquake and tsunamis as individuals instead of a racial/ethnic group.
At 11:30 AM, January 04, 2005,
Army of Mom said…
To Anonymous - I certainly hope you're right. Growing up Southern Baptist with all the fire and brimstone left me fairly scarred, I truly believe. I feared every week that I was going to burn in hell regardless of what a good kid I really was. You're most likely right regarding the forgiveness issue and thanks for pointing that out to me.
Kat and Uzz - back at ya!
Army of Dad - I know how you feel and I completely understand. I still feel that way, but am working to let go of some of my anger. What good does it do me? I will still vent it out to/with you while I work on letting it go within me. I don't want to have a hardened heart. I think it is one of those things that you love, but also hate about me.
At 1:19 PM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Army of Mom: Just checking in and read your line of thinking on this whole tragedy. I think you've shown a great deal of maturity to continue thinking about it all and to then know enough to alter your feelings. Many people don't have that ability and many will never have that degree of maturity.
Personally, it's impossible for me to hate people because of where they were born or because of the religion they were born into. I read comments that even the babies are all just little terrorists-in-training and I can't believe how ignorant that statement is - yes, no doubt, some muslims will grow up to want to spread havoc and hate - but the majority are good and decent people.
Many people in those countries don't have the knowledge - don't have access to the knowledge - to realize what good the U.S. does and that we're not all evil - part of why we saw TV coverage of people celebrating after 9/11. Who knows what those people had even been told and, really, who know whether they were truly even celebrating the death of Americans - there was a lot of doubt at the time - and accusations that the U.S. media simply thought it was shocking footage and therefore worthy of putting on the air - even if out of context. More than likely, they were celebrating the initial reports of what had happened - but that still doesn't mean all muslims are bad and that we should hate them all.
Anyway, I digress...
Chicago D
At 2:31 PM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Chicago D: I suppose you haven't seen the pictures of "palestinian" babies dressed up as suicide bombers and gunmen? They send teenagers into markets, clubs and buses to kill other children.
Army of Dad
At 4:18 PM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
AoD: Yes, I've heard of them. Does that mean all muslim children are terrorists? No. Does that mean all muslim parents raise their children to be suicide bombs? No.
I never said the world is perfect but I think it's insane to indict an entire religion based on the actions of a few. Do I think the extremist muslim factions are whacko? Of course.
How any of this has anything to do with a tsunami killing several hundred thousand people - mostly innocents - is beyond me. It's funny - perhaps hundreds and hundreds (maybe more) of Westerners (Americans too) may have died. I also don't think they deserved it.
Anyway, my intent in posting was to commend AoM for realizing that bullheaded-ness is not necessarily wise (no matter what the subject is) and that the ability to rethink initial perceptions is a good trait - certainly traits I would hope to have and pass along.
At 4:18 PM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
AoD: Yes, I've heard of them. Does that mean all muslim children are terrorists? No. Does that mean all muslim parents raise their children to be suicide bombs? No.
I never said the world is perfect but I think it's insane to indict an entire religion based on the actions of a few. Do I think the extremist muslim factions are whacko? Of course.
How any of this has anything to do with a tsunami killing several hundred thousand people - mostly innocents - is beyond me. It's funny - perhaps hundreds and hundreds (maybe more) of Westerners (Americans too) may have died. I also don't think they deserved it.
Anyway, my intent in posting was to commend AoM for realizing that bullheaded-ness is not necessarily wise (no matter what the subject is) and that the ability to rethink initial perceptions is a good trait - certainly traits I would hope to have and pass along.
Chicago D
At 4:40 PM, January 04, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Sorry AoM, the very first anon post on this thread was me. I forgot to sign.
Spacebunny
At 7:07 AM, January 05, 2005,
Anonymous said…
Chicago D: "I read comments that even the babies are all just little terrorists-in-training and I can't believe how ignorant that statement is"
First the statement that the babies are just terrorists in training is ignorant. You later acknowledged that some will be terrorists. It isn't ignorant, it is realistic.
It only takes one if you happen to be standing next to him. The muslim religion has been killing infidels for thousands of years. While other religions had that problem then too they have grown past that. Face it, this region in general and that religion in particular is the most intolerant on the planet.
As for westerners, what the hell are they doing in those shithole third world countries anyway. Especially if they have children. Have they not heard of Bali? Even if they aren't worried about terrorism Thailand's sex industry is there. Are they not concerned someone could kidnap their kids and sell them as sex slaves? Some of this is happening in the aftermath of this disaster. They should never have brought their kids to that part of the world. That just isn't a really safe place. Try Fiji, or the Caribbean.
Army of Dad
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