Army of Mom

So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause.

1.25.2005

Thrown under the bus

I may be done with blogging.

I don't think I can handle it any more. People can criticize my politics and beliefs, but when you attack me for the way I live and raise my children, I'm done.

I have now been thrown under the bus by another blogger for returning to work and putting my children in the care of others. I love how cavalier people are like I just decided this would be a fun diversion and traipsed off to work without a second thought.

I cried most of the way to work this morning. I have cried off and on, privately, for the past month since taking this job was even considered.

Army of Dad works two jobs and 60 hours a week most of the time so I can stay home with my children. I do my best to bring home freelance w0rk so I can stay home with them, but at the end of the day, I am still robbing Peter to pay Paul. So, when this TEMPORARY job came open and allowed me some flexibility in the scheduling and the opportunity to make some money I took it AFTER much consideration and heartbreak.

The thought that someone ANYONE would think that this was something we just decided to do without a second thought makes me sick. I'm sitting here crying after a long day to think that people would say I abandoned my children. I cried driving home from work because I missed my children and wished I was there with them.

I'm heartsick leaving my baby girl in the care of others. But, it isn't worth sitting here wasting my precious sleep time defending myself.

I'm done.

posted by Army of Mom @ 1:08 AM  

32 Comments:

  • At 12:38 AM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AoM--

    It's nobody's business what you do or why you do it. Your kids will be fine. I would be willing to bet that both you and AoD are responsible enough parents as well as good enough human beings to teach your children morals, values and instill in them good character. No matter if they go to daycare or public school or you teach them on your kitchen table.

    Please don't let others get under your skin with thier shitty and hurtful comments. I don't think Bane was trying to do that on purpose but Nate's stick was sharp and uncalled for. He's a dichotomy at the very least.

    IMO, the best thing you can do for your kids is for you and AoD to truly love and respect each other. From what I can tell about you two from your blog, you are leaps and bounds above many in that regard. Your children will grow up happy and well adjusted. Take comfort in that.

     

  • At 12:38 AM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AoM--

    It's nobody's business what you do or why you do it. Your kids will be fine. I would be willing to bet that both you and AoD are responsible enough parents as well as good enough human beings to teach your children morals, values and instill in them good character. No matter if they go to daycare or public school or you teach them on your kitchen table.

    Please don't let others get under your skin with thier shitty and hurtful comments. I don't think Bane was trying to do that on purpose but Nate's stick was sharp and uncalled for. He's a dichotomy at the very least.

    IMO, the best thing you can do for your kids is for you and AoD to truly love and respect each other. From what I can tell about you two from your blog, you are leaps and bounds above many in that regard. Your children will grow up happy and well adjusted. Take comfort in that.

     

  • At 4:43 AM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Jeff said…

    Hang in there!

    If, after careful prayer and consideration, you and AoD are convinced that you are doing the right thing, then that's what you stick with. I happen to believe that parents shouldn't subcontract out child-rearing, including schooling, but what do I know? I don't even have kids, and I'm not in your shoes...

    "The dogs bark, but the wagons roll on."
    --Chinese proverb

    Good luck, and God bless!

     

  • At 5:54 AM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AoM,

    I enjoy your blog and come here fairly often, but you hav to realize that if you put your stuff out there for the world to see, then you can't be suprised if they react to it. Why have comments if you don't want people's opinions on what you are blogging about? It's silly. I raise my kids and live my life how I want, I don't care what anyone thinks and I don't ask for anyone's approval (it can be argued that you do, on some level, seek approval for you actions, why else the blog and comments?). If you want to tell the world what you are doing, go ahead, just don't be suprised when they tell you what they think as well. BTW, I don't have a strong opinion on the particular subject of you going back to work. It's your life and family, ergo your responsibility, do what you will.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 8:01 AM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You write because you like to write. You write for your own reasons and not seeking praise from someone else. (you already get praise for your writing from the people you work for).

    Continue doing it for yourself.

    Army of Dad

     

  • At 9:45 AM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    A good friend of mine ... a great philosopher and thinker ... once said: "Fu** 'em, feed 'em fish heads"

    What do you care if some preposterous, opinionated swine doesn't like something that you are doing? Fu** 'em, feed 'em fish heads.

    Your friends are behind you 100% We know you have given the matter much thought.

     

  • At 10:48 AM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Thanks for all the kind words. I truly wasn't fishing for compliments. At 1 a.m. this morning, I tearfully was TRULY through with it all. It isn't worth all the judging in the world.

    Yes, I love to have people agree with me and extend approval to me, but that is not why I blog. I love to write and I write about what is on my mind and what is going on in my life. I understand people may have different opinions and voice them here. I may not like it, but ok.

    But, I tend to think it is a little different when someone else chooses to write about me on their blog and judge me. I didn't get any say in that. I didn't ask to have that done. I can see why celebrities hate paparazzi. It just sucks to have your little world invaded and nothing sacred. I guess I'll be told that I invited that criticism upon myself. I don't think so. Again, if people don't like what I have to say, go away and don't come back and leave me out of your blog entries.

    Again, thanks to the supportive posts here.

     

  • At 11:47 AM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Uzz said…

    the ex-husband here...keep on blogging...I know you are a good mother and I know that it has been a hard choice to go back to work TEMPORARILY. I think it is great that you stay home with the kids, but your working for a period of time will help you'll get financially solidified and in the long-term will be good for the kiddos. Thankfully I can go get mini-Uzz from school!! I have been talking to him about taking care of his brother at school so we'll see how that goes:-) Anyway...I know you are tougher than this, so get back to blogging...its a good pressure release valve for you.

    Uzz

     

  • At 1:40 PM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Gadfly said…

    Kat: What is this place where they were talking smack about you and AoM?

    Maybe I should go over and discuss it with them. You know how soothing and disarming I can be during a heated internet discussion. :-)

     

  • At 2:55 PM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    It just sucks to have your little world invaded and nothing sacredAoM, your little world was not invaded, you put it out there for the world and didn't happen to like that they didn't all approve or feel appropriately bad for you for having to return to work. It is ridiculous, IMHO, to put stuff out there and then not be prepared for people to comment on it. I don't believe you are this naive. There have been things on your blog that I think are so far off base as to be laughable, but it's generally not in my nature to tell someone, what to think, how to raise their kids or live their life. It's their responsibility. You are not taking any responsibility for what happened or your feelings. You would like to blame them on someone else. If you put something in the public domain, guess what, it's public. No one forces you to blog about your family, you choose to do so. If you don't want criticism regarding how you are doing it, don't talk about it in a public arena, you are just inviting comments. You have plenty of the things to say and talk about without talking about your family if you so choose. Now, I like reading about the latest developments (I must be a bit of voyeur or something) in your house and I pray for your continued good health, but I respectfully disagree with the stance you've taken here.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 3:24 PM, January 25, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Whatever.

    I'm entitled to my feelings whatever they may be. If I don't like being criticized, what business is it of anyone else's?

    And, you're right SB. I'm going to alter the way I do things here because everytone can't be grown up enough to keep their opinions on an adult level.

    My feelings are that if you want to comment about MY LIFE ON MY BLOG, I may not like it and I may bitch and whine, but it is MY BLOG and I can do what I want with it. I just don't particularly appreciate others attacking me and my life on their blog and then getting pissy when I defend myself. I must be weird like that.

    Whatever.

     

  • At 3:30 PM, January 25, 2005, Blogger cashin said…

    I was actually put into the YMCA day care when i was a youngin because my parents had to be to work 2 hourse before school started and got off 3 after it ended, so a big chunk of my childhood was spent at the Y. I absolutely loved it and felt that I had more fun there than having a relative come down and watch me after school or even better have me alone at the age of 6. Like a previous post said

    Fuck Em

    "I have now been thrown under the bus by another blogger for returning to work and putting my children in the care of others"

    Fuck that blogger, AoM I would wager that he/she doesn't even have kids and if they did then they prolly collect inheritance or something cuz the Parents gotta put food on the table.

     

  • At 4:29 PM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Actually she doesn't have to take responsibility for other adults acting like asses, nor should she.

    Army of Dad

     

  • At 6:06 PM, January 25, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    You just didn't think I was capable of being nice!

    Army of Dad

     

  • At 3:10 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AoD,

    I never said she had to take responsibility for the words or actions of others, only her own. She is the one who put her life out there for others to comment on - this is her responsibility. Nor do I think she shouldn't defend herself if she feels she has been attacked. You might want to brush up on the reading comprehension.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 6:55 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "You are not taking any responsibility for what happened or your feelings."

    Um, yes you did Spacebunny. Why should she take responsibility for other people being assholes?

    "but it's generally not in my nature to tell someone, what to think, how to raise their kids or live their life."

    Sure sounds like you are trying right now. FOAD hypocrite. I have no more time for you.

    Army of Dad

     

  • At 7:25 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    AoD,

    I never said she was responsible for others actions. Even in the quote you used, I never said anything about her being responsible for other peoples reactions. But,what she writes is absolutely her responsibility. What part of that don't you get. She chooses what she writes, not someone else. I'm not attacking her or telling her how to live her life. It was simply a bit of advice about putting yourself out there for the world to see. If you don't like the idea that someone might judge your life, don't put it out there for the world to see. This isn't an attack, but you clearly can't see that. Must be the reading comprehension problem.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 8:38 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    BTW, AoD, nothing I said was hypocritical. Perhaps a dictionary is in order. It would only be hypocritical if I was doing the same thing AoM is and getting mad about (with regards to blogging, not your family, I haven't said a single thing IIRC about your family) while advising her not to do it.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 8:49 AM, January 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    *stepping between Spacebunny and AoD*

    Spacebunny, please back off and just let it go. Seriously. I am completely entitled to my feelings and there is NO way that I'm just going to sit back and let someone bad mouth me. People can disagree, but if you or anyone else wants to say something foul about me there is NO reason in the world for me to simply nod my head and say nothing. I'm sick and tired of all of this. If I want to blog about my life, fine. If you want to judge me, fine. But, if you expect me to listen to someone else's comments without defending myself, then you're out of luck.

    I heard what you said about the fact that if I put my life I out there, I should expect to get feedback both positive and negative. Yeah, you're probably right. Does that mean that I have to like it? No. Does that mean that it might hurt my feelings. Yes. Guess what? I have feelings and they do get hurt. I'm sorry I'm not some calloused old man who sits around and blogs in my underwear and doesn't care what people think. Sadly, I do care what people think and sometimes it hurts my feelings.

    If you think I'm a wuss, fine. I really don't care. I would just appreciate not being berated for the way I live my life.

    Army of Dad is defending his wife. What do you expect from him? And, if you insult him again, I would appreciate it if you just stayed over at the blog-we-whose-name-is-not-spoken and stay out of it. I'll go to the mats for my man and don't like to see people insult him.

    I started this blog to just write about things going on in my life for those voyeurs who like to peek into how others live. I didn't start it to get anyone's approval or disapproval or advice (unless I'm asking for advice). If you feel the need to judge everything I do, then, please just don't surf by. I don't like to send anyone away, but I don't have the time, nor the energy to expend on attacks and counterattacks and despite what anyone thinks or says - I have feelings and I get emotional. Deal with it.

     

  • At 9:40 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    For the last time I never said you shouldn't have feelings about it or get mad about. Never. Did I mention feelings, yes, in that context, never. The only thing I did was offer advise about doing it or not. When did I ever say anything foul about you? I didn't.

    As to AoD, How did I insult him and when?

    BTW, I haven't judged a single thing you do, where do you get this? Offering advise is not judging you. You can take it or not and I won't think one way or the other about you.

     

  • At 9:55 AM, January 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Yeah, I know. I'm prepared to let this go, but some people can't seem to take a deep breath and walk away.

    Somehow, me blogging has given the world permission to pass judgment on me.

    I missed that part of the contract. Oh wait. I didn't sign a contract with anyone about my blog.

    Phttophphtttt!!!!

     

  • At 10:02 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Well its like some people just have to have their word out there - they like friction and it becomes an addiction to them to keep it going. Makes them feel all intelligient. Weird.

     

  • At 10:12 AM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    No insults?
    "Must be the reading comprehension problem"
    "Perhaps a dictionary is in order"

    Last time SB, I'm done with you. This includes you snide comments. You are wrong, that you can't see it is your problem.

    Army of Dad

     

  • At 10:34 AM, January 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    "If you don't like the idea that someone might judge your life, don't put it out there for the world to see."

    Ok, that implies some judgments are being made.

    Telling AoD that he needs "This isn't an attack, but you clearly can't see that. Must be the reading comprehension problem." I see that as pretty insulting.

    "Perhaps a dictionary is in order." That is pretty insulting, too.

    And, I tend to think the entire tone of the comments are pretty judgmental, personally.

    And, you may have to forgive me, I may be taking out ALL of my frustrations on you for ALL of the vultures who have decided to peck at me on blog-we-whose-name-is-not-spoken and then decided to send me trite little emails about how to be a better Christian mother. THAT kind of thing seems pretty condescending and judgmental.

    Again, I'm entitled to see things how I will and maybe you don't mean to, but it is clear to read into your feelings in the posts. They, too, seem pretty condescending and hostile. Expect us to be hostile in turn.

    I'm really done with this. I think I will probably turn the comments off later today.

     

  • At 12:15 PM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    First of Kat, I didn't follow you over here, I've been here many times, I did follow AoM quite a while ago, if you don't want people to follow, simply don't post your homepage at someone's blog.

    If you see my comments as hostile it is likely because of everything else people have been saying, not because of what was actually said. It was certainly not meant to be hostile in the least, simply advice, take it or leave it. Telling someone to FOAD, now THAT is hostile. If you are using a word incorrectly you arguably might need a dictionary.

    I never once said or even implied you were a bad mother or a bad Christian for that matter, nor would I tell you how to raise your kids. I find it ridiculous that someone would tell you that you are a bad Christian and mother, especially if they don't even know you. Vox gets email all the time (usually from his column, but from the blog as well) telling him he's a bad Christian or a bad example if he is a Christian. I frankly find it laughable that sort of thing laughable in light of the fact that there are often planks in others eyes. But you are right, that sort of thing is absolutely condescending and judgemental. I did none of that. If you don't want me to come over I won't.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 12:59 PM, January 26, 2005, Blogger Army of Mom said…

    Please come visit any time you want.

    Just make sure you wear your boxing gloves because we duke it out over here pretty fiercely.

    Took me a while to figure out what FOAD meant.

     

  • At 2:51 PM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    aww, I know how you feel. But first I want to say IT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE. It does NOT make you a bad mom if you work. I promise. Don't listen to the fuckheads.

    As for other bloggers? I've had plenty of bad things said about myself on blogs and message boards. I know it hurts and I know what it feels to cry over it.

    But? This is just some idiot who feels the need to talk ill of you. I bet, deep down somewhere, she feels jealous of you getting out of the house, making money, having adult interaction.

    Please don't let this get you down. If you need to talk, I'm here. I've been there and I've been put through the wringer.

    Don't stop, okay?

    The sarcastic journalist
    shenuts.com

     

  • At 2:55 PM, January 26, 2005, Blogger cashin said…

    F-ing A Cotton, F-IN AAA!!!

    Dammit I always get to the good brawls to late. :(

    "You are not taking any responsibility for what happened or your feelings. You would like to blame them on someone else"

    Well I've always blamed other people for insulting me, for insulting my family. But I guess that it's possible to assume that I'm at fault because I do things that people don't agree with so when they insult me I should break down in tears and listen to what they say, because that's my fault. ASININE!!!!

    " If you don't want criticism regarding how you are doing it, don't talk about it in a public arena, you are just inviting comments"

    " Nor do I think she shouldn't defend herself if she feels she has been attacked. You might want to brush up on the reading comprehension"

    Wait what did SB say before this?

    "you put it out there for the world and didn't happen to like that they didn't all approve or feel appropriately bad for you for having to return to work. It is ridiculous, IMHO, to put stuff out there and then not be prepared for people to comment on it."

    I don't see anywhere where it says that she could defend herself. Your entire point is that she needs to yeild to the public eye and allow comments. So when she shows anger at people's comments like in the blog above you freak out! I have absolutely no idea what you're trying to say here.



    Then again my reading comprehension might be a little off.

     

  • At 5:11 PM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Kat, logic might work if you knew what it actually is and implemented. So far, the only one who has done that is AoM herself, not anyone trying to defend her. I never said she shouldn't get mad, I never said she shouldn't defend herself and my own words prove this. It's about putting yourself out there and then feeling so bad about how people respond that you feel you need to quit. Have some confidence in what you say for pete's sake. That's all. Clearly she is over her self described pity party so she obviously does. I find it interesting that you are all so interested in being offended that you can't get over it. I haven't detracted anything from my original statement save to clear it up a bit for AoM. You all want me to get over it, but I'm only defending my statement, not attacking you, but you feel the need to attack me. Interesting.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 5:21 PM, January 26, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "But? This is just some idiot who feels the need to talk ill of you. I bet, deep down somewhere, she feels jealous of you getting out of the house, making money, having adult interaction."

    I'm never spoke ill of her, nor do I feel jealous of her, for any reason, but feel free to ascribe things to me if it makes you feel better. Bothers me not at all.


    "Then again my reading comprehension might be a little off."

    Yes, yes it is. Especially if you think this.

    "you put it out there for the world and didn't happen to like that they didn't all approve or feel appropriately bad for you for having to return to work. It is ridiculous, IMHO, to put stuff out there and then not be prepared for people to comment on it."

    is equivlent to saying she shouldn't defend herself. Seriously are you smoking crack? What that says for the reading comprehension impaired, is that IF she's going to put her private life out to expect that some people might not agree and be prepared to deal with it emotionally and not go all "I'm just going to quit blogging because some jerk said something mean about me" Please, the blog not to be mentioned's author says crappy things about people all the time, mostly people ignore his little jabs because they know he likes to push people's button's, although I don't think he was doing it this time, although Nate certainly was and deserves to be railed at about it.

    But, whatever, you all are so intent on being offended by me and what I wrote that it doesn't really matter what I say. You will read into it what you will because you are pissed.

    Buona Serata.

    Spacebunny

     

  • At 9:38 AM, January 27, 2005, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Persistent isn't she. Gawwhhhhh.

     

  • At 12:29 PM, October 24, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    "You might want to brush up on the reading comprehension."

    Seriously, SB uses this crap line on everyone in every argument...she needs new material.

     

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