Update on my mom

I didn't get to be there when the doctor came today. I stayed till 8:05 p.m. but I just couldn't stay any longer. I needed to come home and take care of some things and be here in the morning for the children. I miss them right now. I didn't get to see them all day. I arrived at the hospital Sunday night around 11 p.m. and stayed with my mom once she was admitted.

Apparently, Saturday night after we left their house, mom had some sort of spell where she lost time and was speaking nonsense, but then became lucid again shortly later. Sunday, she worked in the yard some, laid down and took a nap and then couldn't grip a glass of tea, stumbled, started drooling and slurring her speech beyond understanding. Dad immediately freaked and drove her straight to the hospital, where was was quickly admitted and testing started.

Tall, dark and handsome doctor said she apparently had a stroke, but that the CT scan did not show a bleeding stroke, which is good, I guess, because those are the worst, he said. They did urine and blood work, too. SHe also has a UTI, but that had nothing to do with this. Finally, about 1:15 a.m. they admitted her to a room in the sub-acute unit, next to the ICU.

She has some pronounced weakness on her left side. She can't quite hold on to things with her left hand and her left leg is weak, too. She is having some trouble swallowing and is on a blender diet. Ick. She also is still having some speech problems as the left side of her face is drawn a bit. Overall, I guess, it could be worse and everyone keeps telling me this. It is just so hard to watch my independent mother not be able to do for herself. This woman was pulling weeds and carrying my 2-year-old just Saturday afternoon. Her heart is breaking because she just wants to go home and recover there. Only thing is I don't think they're going to let her. A nurse told me today that an MRI done this morning showed that a blood clot caused the stroke. She has been getting blood thinner shots in her stomach since Sunday night. Painful, they are, my mom said. She didn't say it Yoda style, that was me. Anyway. The nurse said that patients with this kind of stroke are typically at their worst immediately following the stroke, so odds are that she will improve. However, she will probably have to go to a rehab hospital before she can go home. My mom is going to be devastated when she gets the news. All she has said to me since I first saw her last night is that she wants to go home. I feel so sorry for her and that only makes it worse for her. Of course, in front of her, I'm very matter of fact to try and keep the facade going that all is well and I'm ok.

Only thing is I'm not. I've begged God not to take her from me. I've begged God not to take her from her grandchildren or my dad. Nuts as she is, I love her so much and my kids love her so much. My heart just rips more every time I think about her not being able to hold Stinkerbelle. Everyone tells me that she'll recover and I hope they're right. I just want my momma back the way she was before. She wanted me to stay longer Saturday and I insisted on leaving and I would give my right arm to go back in time and have stayed with her. Maybe I could have recognized that spell on Saturday and gotten her help sooner to prevent this big stroke. Maybe the kids would have had more time with granny the way she "used to be" ... maybe, maybe, maybe. I am so filled with regret. Sometimes you don't get a second chance. To quote a cheesey 80s hair band, you don't know what you've lost until its gone. I just want my mom back. I just want her to be happy again and bitching about her neighbors. This just sucks.


Here we are in December picking out a Christmas tree.

Here is mom ironing my clothes and Stinkerbelle playing right along in March.

At the airport in April for Family Day.

And, here she is holding Stinkerbelle in dad's chicken coop back in May. This is the saddest picture of them all to me right now, because she can't smile right since the stroke. I just want to see her smile again the way she did before.