Cruisin' the Crossroads

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

The soccer mom hit the gay bars Friday night. Shhh. The best part? I had a ball.

I went to my first drag queen show. Is that PC to say? But, it was so much fun. Ok, I'm going too fast here. First off, the gay bars have a deal on Friday and Saturday nights where you can get in with no cover and $1.75 well drinks at specified times. I didn't realize what the deal was, but I was happy to be slamming the cheap Cape Cods. (Ohmigod - nothing gets me tippsier faster than a vodka and cranberry drink!) Anyway. I went along with my hairdresser friend and her lesbian friend and we met a bunch of friends out there. I saw a lesbian - ok, dyke - with a shirt on that said "I love soccer moms." That made me laugh.

I was talking with this chick, er, dude, at the bar before the drag show. I was talking to him, er, her about her hair and how she styled it. It was sort of pineapple style, but looked great. So, we're chatting about hair while this hot bartender was getting his face rubbed by some cute gay boy. I was strangely aroused by it all. Scary, I know.

Oh, but here is the drag queen I was talking to. I didn't know it was a dude when I was talking to her, er, him.

During the drag show, she was wearing a sheer lacy club gown and she must have some incredible flesh colored tape because I couldn't see any male naughty bits down there. Not that I was looking or anything but I was curious. He had great fake boobs. The drag show in the Rose Room was pretty fun. The girls, er, dudes, er whatever would lip sync and dance and walk around getting dollar bills from the crowd. I actually tipped this one. Her stage name is Maya. Too funny. My friends were having a ball. Some drunk lesbian spilled the waiter's tray of drinks at our table, but thankfully none got on me. Anyway. The drag show was fun, although it was sort of depressing that these guys had better legs than me. My friend that I met out there has lost 87 pounds and looked rockin, but that was a little depressing, too.

Anyway. I have to be such a dichotomy. Ms Republican voting knife-toting soccer mom. I love the fact that I'm the muscle in the group, too. Haidresser cutie who is all skinny now, not that I'm bitter or anything, knew I had my knife in my pocket and asked me to walk her to her car to get her cell phone. Because we all know how tough and butch I am. Hee hee. Go to gay bars one night and now I'm butch. I'm cracking myself up.

The coup de gras of the night was when this transgendered parapalegic wheeled into the lesbian bar. I knew there had to be a joke and punchline somewhere there. Can't you hear it now? A transvestite parapalegic comes into a dyke bar ...