Epiphany

I get these things at the weirdest times and when I least expect them.

Mine happened this morning at 5:45 a.m.

Army of Dad and I have a routine of kissing goodbye whenever one of us leaves the house. It is not only a gesture of love, but a bit of morbidity we both have, I think. I always fear that it may be the last time we see each other (I know it is fatalistic, but I'm a half-empty glass kind of gal a lot of the time).

But, I digress.

This morning, he comes in to kiss me goodbye and says:
Sandra Day O'Connor isn't looking too good these days.
Her husband is battling cancer, I respond. I wouldn't look too good in her shoes either.
No, she doesn't look healthy, he answers.

He turns to leave after my kiss and I mumble something about making sure he has his lunch and then roll over in bed.

I'm awake now and thinking about how Justice O'Connor (or is that former Justice now? how do we address her should we meet on the street?) must feel about spending all that time on the bench and addressing conferences or whatever Supreme Court justices do and not with her husband. I mean, if we all had a second chance when something bad happened, wouldn't we do things differently most of the time?

I mean, don't you think the residents of New Orleans would have left town had they known just how bad the after-effects of this storm would be? Absolutely yes. Have I spent more time with my mom since her stroke? Yes. I listen to her on the phone more patiently now than I did before and I'm not in a such a hurry to get off the phone either. I have a second chance and I'm not going to lose it.

So, why would I do any less for my children? I have an opportunity for a two-month project for a major financial corporation making big bucks. But, my heart isn't in it. I don't want to be away from them again. I have a job offered to me to work as an editor and telecommute for a business magazine and I'm planning on taking the job unless they offer me too little for the work it will entail, but I don't think they will. That will be an outstanding opportunity to make some money and still get to be at home. It is ideal. Now, I just have to cross my fingers that the offer comes through for the right dollar amount.

Scary that my ex sort of drove the nail through my heart to make me think about it when he said "They're only little once." We've all seen the difference being at home made with Hot Rod compared to Pickle who was in daycare most of his pre-school years until pre-K when I got to stay home. I don't want to miss out on Little Bit either.

That sounds like I've made up my mind, doesn't it? I really haven't - YET. Waiting for the company to call me back. If they give me flex-time, let me work from home some .. I might consider it. But, then again, the airport folks said I wouldn't have to work in the office every day and they've since acted like they don't remember saying that. So, we'll see. I'm still 80/20 leaning towards not taking the project if it is offered to me.

We'll have to see how it goes. I do miss my kiddos - most of the time. ;)

ADDENDUM: It never fails. I think I've made up my mind ... went to turn in my timecard and one of the bosses here said a request to extend my contract was made and looks like it will be approved. He asked if I wanted to stay and keep working. *sigh*