The Purina Diet

Sent to me from my high school journalism teacher. ;)

I was in Wal-Mart buying a bag of Purina for my Scottish Terrier and was in line to check out. The woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time -- but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet -- the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete, so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story. Horrified, she asked if I had been poisoned.

I told her no, I was just sitting in the street licking my butt and a car hit me.