I'm not going to miss this

At the coach-pitch games for Hot Rod, I am the pitcher. If one more umpire asks me if I throw like a girl, I may just "accidentally" do a Nuke LaLoosh on him (instead of hitting the Bull, it will be Blue).

Oh yeah ... and we have this:
I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.