No naughty nurse fantasy for me EVER

I will never have a fantasy of a naughty nurse after being poked and prodded. Today, I had the pleasure of encountering a real, live Nurse Ratched.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my CT scan of my abdomen. I'm having to drink 250 ML this nasty banana-flavored barium. Well, I have a really weak stomach and if I chug the stuff, I will throw it up. So, I arrive early and start drinking a little at a time. I get a phone call from a friend, so I'm chatting with her and sipping the chalky substance when the tech walks out.

Nurse Ratched: Are you through with the drink?
AoM: No, I'm still swigging it.
Nurse Ratched: *evil eye*

a few moments later
AoM: *gagging to prevent throwing up and looking around apologetically at the cute teenaged boy and his dad* Sorry.
Cute boy: That's ok, that stuff looks pretty gross. Why can't they make medicine taste better?
AoM: I don't know. Maybe they do it on purpose, so we won't take it and we have to keep coming back to see them.
Cute boy: *smiling* You might be right.
AoM: My son was asking me that same question this morning about the bad-tasting medicine.
Cute boy: Sometimes, we have to hold my 3-year-old niece down to get her to take it and I feel really bad for doing it.
AoM: Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to have someone force it down you at once like that to get it over with.
Cute boy: Don't let that nurse hear you say that, she gave you a really dirty look when you hadn't finished drinking it.
AoM: Good point.

A few minutes later, Nurse Ratched returns and beckons me back, instructs me to remove the bra, but leave on my T-shirt, and admonishes me to continue drinking. We go back and she takes away the remaining remnants of my breakfast, i.e. the barium banana concoction, and has me lie on this table. Then, she gets out the rubber band thing to start an IV. I start to sweat. IV? No one told me I had to have an IV.

Then, the waterworks start. Let me explain. As a child, I had cancer and I was a human pin cushion. I have never been good with needles, IVs, shots, bloodwork, any of it at that time or since. I can put on a brave face when I get a shot or have a blood draw and the kids are there to watch. I even tolerated all of it in good spirits when I was pregnant or giving birth. All of those times, I had something else to be focused on. When it is just me and the needle is not related in some form or fashion to my children's well being, then all bets are off. I've been sick, tired and stressed beyond belief for the past month and now you're going to spring this on me. So, I just started crying.

Nurse Ratched tries to get the IV in the same vein where I had a blood draw yesterday. She gouges it around in there and manages to stab it all the way through my vein. I'm still crying. She then announces that she is going to have to use my hand. Wrong answer, woman. I started heaving even more then because that hurts like hell. So, she tries the other arm. At this point, she is pissed at me for crying.

Nurse Ratched: Ms. AoM, you're going to have to calm down. This is only a little IV.
AoM: *sniffling and trying to gain composure while dreaming up ways to give the tech an IV*
Nice Nurse: *walks in and starts patting my arm and speaking reassuringly*
AoM: *sniffing* I'm sorry. *sniffling* I had cancer when I was 7 and I've never gotten used to needles or getting poked. I didn't know I was going to have an IV or I could have prepared myself to be ready for it.
Nice Nurse: That's ok, hon. Tomorrow, you'll know to be ready for it, ok?

Yeah, I go back tomorrow. The CT scan today was for my abdomen. Tomorrow, it is for my pelvis. So, I get to drink about 500-750 ML of berry-flavored barium tonight.

As I'm walking back out, the cute teenager is still there waiting for his dad.

Cute boy: So, you didn't throw up?
AoM: Nope, but I have to drink this *displaying giant barium bottle* tonight to come back tomorrow.
Cute boy: Ewww. You better drink up, so you don't make that nurse mad again.