My heart is filled with sadness

It has been a long busy day, but finally during Pickle's karate classes tonight at 8 p.m., I opened up the local newspaper. On page 3 was a headline about a 2-year-old who drowned in a backyard pool. I immediately think "how sad."

Then, I read the name and felt a giant pit in my stomach. The child - Gavin - is the grandson of one of my baseball moms from the spring. She was also one of Pickle's teachers at the middle school. She is raising Gavin. Or was, I guess.

My heart just aches so much for her. We're not good friends, but we talk. While the boys were playing baseball together, we'd occasionally talk on the phone and we've chatted over email since the season ended. We hung out some at Pickle's field trip last spring. In June, when the hail storm struck during the baseball game, she was the dugout mom who, along with her husband, had their arms wrapped around Stinkerbelle to keep her safe.

I just wish I could wrap my arms around her now and shield her from the pain, but I know that nothing will replace that hole in her heart. I hope God's peace can fill her soul. I can't seem to quit crying. I just keep thinking about her telling me how much she hated her swimming pool and now I can't imagine how she'll ever be able to walk into her own back yard without being tormented by the image of the firefighters diving to retrieve his lifeless body. God help her.

This is also a lesson to my children in life and death. Little Bit kept asking if he would come back. She played with Gavin on the sidelines of the baseball games sometimes. I'm not sure if she remembers him, but she would know him if he showed up. As I was explaining his death to the kids after karate, Little Bit asked if he went to live with Jesus. Yes, I told her. Jesus takes all the little children to heaven with him. Hot Rod isn't quite sure what to make of it. I don't think he really understands. Thank God, we've never lost anyone. I lost my grandparents when he was an infant, so he has no concept of loss. We talked about what happens at a funeral. He made a card for his friend. His teammate was probably with Gavin when he disappeared. The story I read in the paper this evening said he was playing with a group of kids when my friend realized he was missing. Pickle made a card for my friend. He wrote that he was sorry it happened, but that Gavin is in a happy place now with Pickle's aunt and his dog. He drew a picture of little Gavin as an angel with Pickle's Aunt Debbie and Cricket and Jesus. So, he has a pretty good grasp of things.

I think the kids aren't sure what to think about all of mommy's tears, but I've hugged them and repeated just how much I love them. I also took the opportunity to reiterate to Hot Rod exactly why I'm so hyper vigilant around water when I have the kids. This summer, he was really mad because I made him wear a life jacket when we went to the beach. Maybe this will help him understand a bit better. Sorry for the stream of consciousness writing. I just can't seem to form a simple coherent thought right now.

Please pray for Gavin's family.