Useless nuggets

My 4-year-old daughter can't say Darth Vader. She calls him Darth Mater (like Tow Mater from Cars).

My mother thinks any person of Middle Eastern origin is Iranian. It doesn't matter where they are from, what they look like, nice or evil, they're all Iranians. It is quite the joke in my family. She also can't say library. She says libary.

My two little ones are having allergy issues. We put the cool-mist humidifier in the room of the worst off child and the vaporizer in the other room. Last night, my 8-year-old asked if I could put the pacifier in his room.

I used to think Fatboy Slim was saying "the funk's so rubber" rather than the actual lyrics of " Funk Soul Brother. Listen, see if you can tell the difference.

I love this song and have to turn it up really loud and roll the windows down every time I hear it. Sort of scares me, but I like a Tupac song. I changed the words for Little Bit and sang "Stinkerbelle knows how to potty. In the bathroom, bathroom of mommy ... Stinkerbelle knows how to potty."

It is going to cost my family of five $694 to buy tickets to Disney World for two days. Swear to the Good Lord Above. I used to get comps because I worked at a newspaper, so I had no idea how much tickets cost. Gees Louise ... I may need to put up a "will write for food" sign in downtown Dallas.