My glue leaked today

Well, I may be the glue that holds the family together, but my glue was runny and thin today.

Mom is in ICU tonight and the nurse told me to go home and sleep because mom will need me tomorrow, but not today. Mom has her own nurse sitting at the foot of her bed with enough monitors, print outs, etc. to take good care of her. Mom's heart valve was able to be repaired, so that is awesome. The doctor said he had to scrape a good 1-2 inches of calcium off of her valve and put in a ring to help it open and shut properly and from what they could tell, it didn't leak. Good news.

The ICU nurse said they would let her sleep till she came out of the anesthesia on her own. They're not going to reverse it like they do for outpatient procedures. They expected her to wake up around midnight. She was restrained because she is still intubated and has many tubes running out of her; so they don't want her to wake and pull on tubes and hurt herself. She also said that if there are going to be any complications, they almost always occur in the first five to six hours. So, if we can make it through midnight, we are good. I called this evening and mom had a new nurse. He said mom is responsive and cooperative as he tells her what is going on. Dad camped out in the CVICU waiting room just in case she wakes up and wants someone. My cousin was there with him when I left. I will return tomorrow. I feel badly for not staying, but I wasn't doing any good there.

The nurse said mom should have the tube out and be breathing on her own by morning. She will likely stay in CVICU for another day before moving to another room in the Heart Center. Doc said five to seven days in the hospital, so that puts her home as early as Tuesday or as late as Thanksgiving.

I lost it several times today. I had an issue that was trivial, but it was the last straw and pushed me into a fit. I kept hearing my mom's voice in my head: Stop crying so hard or you're going to throw up. That was the standard response when I overreacted to something, because I do start heaving when I cry hard. I had to work hard to keep it together when I got to see her around 4 because I was not expecting her to look like she did. There was this giant PVC-looking tube full of blood ... it just threw me for a loop. She required several "blood products" during the procedure and this evening. That sort of freaked me out, too. But, I know they really test that stuff stringently (at least I keep telling that to myself).

Anyway. I look like hell. My eyes are swollen and puffy; my face hurts (and hold back the joke about it killing you!) I'm off to the tub for a soak.