Better living with chemicals

I used to be a giant Tom Cruise fan when I was in college. I even had one of those big movie cardboard standups of him in Cocktail in my apartment. My catch phrase: he's a fine, fine actor. Of course, I meant that in more ways that one. Uzz, my college beau, would always come back with the standard guy response questions Tom's masculinity.

Well, over the years, I've seen how Hollywood and success has turned Tom's brain to mush. While I still get all atwitter at the volleyball scene from Top Gun, Tom doesn't do it for me so much any more. *shrug* And, there are moments when drugs are so good, that I know I want to smack Tom upside the head. Chemicals can, indeed, help folks. For instance, Zoloft has made my mom a normal human being again.

Last night, I think the stress of an unemployed spouse, two totalled cars in a matter of 19 days, the cancer diagnosis of my husband's grandpa, my increased work load and the addition of children being home for summer while I'm in a leg cast and dealing with that, and lastly, Army of Dad gone to Minnesota for the week ... well, it all just added up to totally freak me out. My leg - the one in the cast - started swelling and the cast was tight and it triggered an anxiety attack.

Yes, I know that is stupid and bizarre. But, I was ready to get out the home tool kit and cut this damn thing off my leg. I called Army of Dad - did I mention it was his birthday yesterday, too? - and told him what I was going to do. Well, he talked me down from the bridge and then I called my equally nutty friend, RC, and he listened to me whine and whimper and also assured me that cutting the cast off would be a bad idea and that I'm fine, but just stressed.

So I did something I don't normally do - I grabbed the Xanax that my OB/GYN gave me for these moments. He prescribed it to help relax me before the ablation in January, but he said it can be used - very sparingly -for really bad PMS emotional symptoms, too. It was THAT bad last night. It started about 5ish and by 11, I thought I was going to gnaw my leg off because it was bugging me so much. So, I stopped what I was doing, soaked in a tub (obviously with the casted leg hanging out and propped up) and started drinking water to see if it could help relieve any swelling/water retention that might be going on.

I took the Xanax and figured even if it was a placebo effect, I should feel better. I did relax after a while and got extremely tired, so I crashed. I slept hard, which was good since I haven't done that in a while. But, the bad thing was the dreams were so absolutely real. Much more realistic that normal. At one point, I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that Army of Dad was standing in the bedroom with the children - that is until the alarm clock went off. In between things, I dreamed about my neighbors all turning into zombies and I was out of ammunition. I have to explain that my husband is the one who has zombie dreams, not me. So, that was totally messed up. He has so many zombie dreams that I bought him a shirt that says "Zombie Killer" on it. Oddly enough, I texted him about my zombie dream and he texted back that he is wearing his zombie killer shirt today. Coincidence? I don't think so.

But, suffice it to say, I think the Xanax saved me from having an episode last night. Hopefully, I won't need that stuff again for a long time.

And, just for good measure to Tom Cruise and all his crazy buddies, pppphththphpphpttttt!!!!