Telltale Signs

Here's how you can tell when Army of Mom is up against the wall on a deadline:

1. prolific blogging
2. she catches up on all the blogs she never goes to
3. she balances the checkbook (how hard is it to divide zero into zero)
4. she does the laundry
5. she chats on Yahoo IM with long lost friend in Arizona
6. she thinks about all the housecleaning and cooking that needs to be done
7. she works on different story not due till Dec. 3
8. she emails her husband incessantly at his new job. worries that it might get him fired.
9. she tries to organize pile of crap on desk
10. she steps on scale hoping that the 12 pounds she gained in the past seven months have mysteriously dropped in the past two weeks
11. she calls scale a fucking liar and then puts it back by the toilet so the 9-year-old boy will pee on it again when he is talking to someone while peeing and not aiming properly (seriously, how hard is this, guys?)
12. she handwashes incredibly hawt unmentionable
13. she listens to new theme song about 14 times