Mending fences
Funny how sour relationships can leave a person, well, what is the word? Bitter? Is that it? I'm not sure. But, years after something can happen, the hurt can linger. And, when you never get a chance to let someone know how angry you were or how they really hurt you, it just sort of simmers over time.
My rebound guy fit that ticket. He was the man that I dated while my divorce to Uzz was going through the court system. It was a nice relationship in that he was as geeky as me (big time Star Trek nerd, even bigger than me!) and he was career-oriented. The Army was his career, but he knew what he wanted in life and I liked that about him. He was disciplined and all the things I longed for in a guy. Uzz knows that I have often compared him to Peter Pan - everyone loves him, but he may never quite grow up completely. It is part of his charm. But, for the Type A Army of Mom, it was just too laid back for me.
So, Staff Sgt. Rebound was a good fit. Or, I thought. Then, the Monday before my divorce was final on the coming Friday, he drops me like a hot potato. Just up and ended it completely out of the blue. Of course, he had the audacity to ask me to do him some favors as he was on TDY (temporary duty elsewhere) around his house.
So, it was pretty awful. A few years ago, he emailed me out of the blue with some chatty email. I was still bitter about the way he broke up with me and the way he treated me. So, instead of responding kindly, I let him have it in my response. I told him what a jackass he was and how I didn't deserve to be cast aside like I was, etc, etc.
Not sure what got into me this morning, but catching up with people on Facebook did it, I guess. So, I searched for him and found him. Sent him a message hoping we could put the past behind us because I'd like to find out what is going on with him. He is now married with a little girl and is a sergeant major. He responded back and actually apologized for being an ass to me. It is amazing how that two-sentence apology made me feel so much better. "I hope you do know that I am very sincere in apologizing for how I acted. I was being very selfish and self-centered and scared." I know it is silly, but just hearing him acknowledge it gave me a sense of peace.
I'm always questioning my actions in life. What if I had of done this differently or that differently? I always second guess my decisions on everything. * I know Uzz and Army of Dad both are nodding in agreement* But, it is something I fret over. There are times when I feel justified in what I do and other times when I question over and over if I did something wrong. Most of the time, when I piss other people off, I didn't even know I did anything and it never occurred to me that I did anything.
One of my best friends and I still haven't spoken since before New Year's. It is a long story, but not a day goes by when I don't start to pick up the phone or IM him to chat. But, he made it clear to me how he felt about me. I'm still sad pretty much every day by it. So, the second-guessing continues.
However, one chapter of my life has sort of smoothed out nicely. Sgt. Major Rebound is heading to Iraq later this year. Maybe that was why I felt the urge to make peace. Somewhere in my heart I knew he was going to be in danger. A friend's grandson is joining the military after his high school graduation this summer. So, maybe I'll be back to sending care letters and comic strips to a few more soldiers to help pass the time in the sandbox.
*sigh*
My life is never dull, is it?
My rebound guy fit that ticket. He was the man that I dated while my divorce to Uzz was going through the court system. It was a nice relationship in that he was as geeky as me (big time Star Trek nerd, even bigger than me!) and he was career-oriented. The Army was his career, but he knew what he wanted in life and I liked that about him. He was disciplined and all the things I longed for in a guy. Uzz knows that I have often compared him to Peter Pan - everyone loves him, but he may never quite grow up completely. It is part of his charm. But, for the Type A Army of Mom, it was just too laid back for me.
So, Staff Sgt. Rebound was a good fit. Or, I thought. Then, the Monday before my divorce was final on the coming Friday, he drops me like a hot potato. Just up and ended it completely out of the blue. Of course, he had the audacity to ask me to do him some favors as he was on TDY (temporary duty elsewhere) around his house.
So, it was pretty awful. A few years ago, he emailed me out of the blue with some chatty email. I was still bitter about the way he broke up with me and the way he treated me. So, instead of responding kindly, I let him have it in my response. I told him what a jackass he was and how I didn't deserve to be cast aside like I was, etc, etc.
Not sure what got into me this morning, but catching up with people on Facebook did it, I guess. So, I searched for him and found him. Sent him a message hoping we could put the past behind us because I'd like to find out what is going on with him. He is now married with a little girl and is a sergeant major. He responded back and actually apologized for being an ass to me. It is amazing how that two-sentence apology made me feel so much better. "I hope you do know that I am very sincere in apologizing for how I acted. I was being very selfish and self-centered and scared." I know it is silly, but just hearing him acknowledge it gave me a sense of peace.
I'm always questioning my actions in life. What if I had of done this differently or that differently? I always second guess my decisions on everything. * I know Uzz and Army of Dad both are nodding in agreement* But, it is something I fret over. There are times when I feel justified in what I do and other times when I question over and over if I did something wrong. Most of the time, when I piss other people off, I didn't even know I did anything and it never occurred to me that I did anything.
One of my best friends and I still haven't spoken since before New Year's. It is a long story, but not a day goes by when I don't start to pick up the phone or IM him to chat. But, he made it clear to me how he felt about me. I'm still sad pretty much every day by it. So, the second-guessing continues.
However, one chapter of my life has sort of smoothed out nicely. Sgt. Major Rebound is heading to Iraq later this year. Maybe that was why I felt the urge to make peace. Somewhere in my heart I knew he was going to be in danger. A friend's grandson is joining the military after his high school graduation this summer. So, maybe I'll be back to sending care letters and comic strips to a few more soldiers to help pass the time in the sandbox.
*sigh*
My life is never dull, is it?
1 Comments:
At 4:28 PM, January 16, 2009,
Mo K said…
Glad you were able to do some patching, hon.
Don't fret too much --it's not good for your health!
I understand, though. For a number of years after high school I just didn't want anything do with one of my friends. I was so steamed by something she did, but later realized that she really had no clue how I interpreted it. To me it was a no-brainer because who asks you to drive her to a party that you're not invited to, nor does she try to GET you invited? I felt "used" for transportation. But when I think back to how young we were, the fact that she came from a different [European] culture-- no it shouldn't be an excuse-- I decided that holding onto it was silly, and only harming me in the long run. Now I laugh at it.
One thing I've done over the years is to adopt an "assume positive motivation" stance. Both in myself and in others. Most people (certainly your friends) don't intentionally try to hurt you. Sometimes (and this is true of myself, I don't know how many times) we're just clueless. We try to be thoughtful most of the time, though.
Wish I could say the same about some "unaware" drivers who obviously aren't! :-/
Post a Comment
<< Home