Today's Society
I hate feeling all judgmental and stuff. *yes, that is a technical term* But, that is what I'm feeling right now. And, I know people are going to hate me for feeling this way.
*sigh*
Reading comments on Facebook that a friend made on someone else's page (someone I don't know). And, my mouth fell open.
Now, I don't have issues with people living together. *shhh, I did it.* And, premarital sex isn't that big of a deal to me when adults are involved ... etc etc. But, I do think it is a bit of a faux pas for someone to congratulate her adult (maybe 19-25 range) son and his GIRLFRIEND on their pregnancy.
I'm not saying the kids should be castigated or ridiculed, but do you really want to congratulate them? I guess I'm old-fashioned in the respect that I think you should get married, THEN get pregnant. And, if the pregnancy comes first - then get married before you announce it. Yeah, everyone will figure it out, but at least try.
The way it was posted implied to me that this was all fine and dandy and a great thing. Huh? Babies are always a blessing. However, some people are not ready for that little bundle of joy. When you're not committed enough to be married, are you really ready to become parents together? That is one of the hardest partnerships I've ever done in my entire life.
And, if the couple shouldn't get married, then are you really that excited/proud/etc. that they're having a baby together?
I know this post will get people all up in arms about me and I'm sorry (in advance). I know plenty of unwed mothers who've done a fine job. And, a few unwed fathers who took on their babies and did fine. That is awesome. I'm just saying that the whole marriage/commitment thing really helps when it comes to raising a child.
And, it just doesn't seem to communicate all those values to me when you post a picture of the couple and write "Congratulations to my son and his girlfriend on the upcoming birth of their baby!" I know things don't always go as planned ... and I hope I never have to post anything like that. I'd rather post "Congratulations to my son and his wife on the upcoming birth of their baby!" But, again, I hope I don't have to post that for at least another 10+ years either!!!!
*sigh*
Reading comments on Facebook that a friend made on someone else's page (someone I don't know). And, my mouth fell open.
Now, I don't have issues with people living together. *shhh, I did it.* And, premarital sex isn't that big of a deal to me when adults are involved ... etc etc. But, I do think it is a bit of a faux pas for someone to congratulate her adult (maybe 19-25 range) son and his GIRLFRIEND on their pregnancy.
I'm not saying the kids should be castigated or ridiculed, but do you really want to congratulate them? I guess I'm old-fashioned in the respect that I think you should get married, THEN get pregnant. And, if the pregnancy comes first - then get married before you announce it. Yeah, everyone will figure it out, but at least try.
The way it was posted implied to me that this was all fine and dandy and a great thing. Huh? Babies are always a blessing. However, some people are not ready for that little bundle of joy. When you're not committed enough to be married, are you really ready to become parents together? That is one of the hardest partnerships I've ever done in my entire life.
And, if the couple shouldn't get married, then are you really that excited/proud/etc. that they're having a baby together?
I know this post will get people all up in arms about me and I'm sorry (in advance). I know plenty of unwed mothers who've done a fine job. And, a few unwed fathers who took on their babies and did fine. That is awesome. I'm just saying that the whole marriage/commitment thing really helps when it comes to raising a child.
And, it just doesn't seem to communicate all those values to me when you post a picture of the couple and write "Congratulations to my son and his girlfriend on the upcoming birth of their baby!" I know things don't always go as planned ... and I hope I never have to post anything like that. I'd rather post "Congratulations to my son and his wife on the upcoming birth of their baby!" But, again, I hope I don't have to post that for at least another 10+ years either!!!!
8 Comments:
At 6:06 AM, July 01, 2009,
Susabelle said…
Plenty of people do just fine raising a family without benefit of marriage. Some of them are rather high-profile (Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed come to mind). A marriage certificate is no guarantee of commitment or fidelity. Those days are long over. I think the lady is proud to be a grandma, and I'm glad to see it. Why are we in the business of punishing the child for some out-dated moral idea we have as parents/grandparents? time to let that stuff go.
At 6:50 AM, July 01, 2009,
Army of Mom said…
I agree on what you said about the marriage certificate not making anyone monogamous or a good parent. However, I still subscribe to doing things the "right" way. And, I guess I'll just have to be outdated. I just don't think it is something to proudly exclaim from the mountaintops. *shrug* I know, I know ...
At 11:43 AM, July 01, 2009,
gsgitu said…
i dont think it is a matter of right or wrong or ...well there are plenty of good.... i think it is a matter of morals and what kind of morals you should encourage(take note of the word encourage). i had a son at the ripe old age of 20, and married a yr later(12 yrs next month). so i cant say that i always practiced good morals, far from it. i am not trying to preach here either. my parents set great examples for me to follow, did i...no. but when i didnt, they did not encourage me either. when i told my mother my girlfriend was preggo the first thing she said was "well, are you gonna marry her." so i think it is more a matter of what kind of morals that we parents ....encourage and affirm for our children. ya follow.maybe.
At 6:51 PM, July 01, 2009,
Army of Dad said…
I don't think we should be throwing aside the family unit that has worked extremely well for thousands of years (at a very bare minimum) so easily.
There are very good reasons why two parent homes are the very best way for children to be raised and they have withstood the test of millenia.
It should not be a cause for great celebration. Should this happen to one of my children I will still love them. I hope that this will not come to pass and that my involvment in their lives along with the relationships I am building with them will help them follow the prefered path.
At 7:52 PM, July 01, 2009,
Submariner said…
AoM and AoD, throwing my $0.02 in - you guys have it right. The nuclear family unit between one man and one woman is the way we were made and upholds the traditional Judeo-Christian values. All those that advocate throwing the family under the bus and "condoms not abstinence" are brainwashed by the current decline in morals. I like to ask 'em "I'll let you give my kid condoms 'just in case' his morals fail, if I can give your kid a .357 S&W with hollow-point hot-loads 'just in case' his diplomacy efforts fail. I mean, neither would ever have to use them, right?" Never seem to have one want to take me up on it.
At 8:27 PM, July 01, 2009,
Susabelle said…
AOD - you're assuming a fractured household because of no marriage license, yet I know plenty of successful "families" that includes no marriage license but yet have two parents.
and Submariner - if we preached more condom use, rather than relying on abstinence, the rate of teen pregnancy would not be going up, it would be going down. Abstinance flat-out doesn't work.
Show of hands from everyone here...did you refrain from sex before marriage?? Hmm, I didn't think so. So how did you avoid pregnancy? And did the person you had sex with before marriage end up being your spouse, and there were no other sexual encounters in between, before, or after? Hmm, I didn't think so. You didn't honor the "moral code" for abstinence, but somehow you're expecting your kids to honor it? I opt on the side of safe sex, since I know they are going to have sex anyway when the time comes. They get the safe sex talk. They get the "I wish you'd wait" talk too, but I'm not stupid, and they get the safe sex talk at the same time. It's the only rational thing to do.
At 9:04 PM, July 01, 2009,
Army of Mom said…
Hey Susabelle - you're preaching to the choir with me when it comes to safe sex. My children are being taught that I think they should wait until they are adults (i.e. out of school and on their own) before they participate in sex. HOWEVER, if they choose not to do that, I want them to practice safe sex and I will instruct them in such (condoms, birth control, etc).
And, again, I'm not saying that people are incapable of being great parents without marriage, monogamy, etc. All I'm saying is that I don't think it is something to brag and boast about - your kid got his girlfriend knocked up. Congratulations *note the sarcasm* for not taking precautions.
*shrug*
I will NEVER condemn someone for getting pregnant and keeping the baby. I applaud them for making that decision. However, I just don't think it is something to congratulate them about.
And, I think I said in my post that I'm not innocent. Good Lord knows that anyone who knows me would know that. LOL
For what it is worth ... this is one of those topics that is really difficult to change someone's opinion on. I'm not really trying ... just voicing my two cents.
At 10:27 AM, July 04, 2009,
Kim du Toit said…
No arguments from me. You have the right of it.
Post a Comment
<< Home