A Proverbs Woman

I'm back from my cousin's funeral and it was a beautiful service. She was remembered for being the wonderful woman that she was. She was full of faith and happiness. I don't recall ever seeing her without a smile on her face.

She was lovely both inside and outside and her loss is profound. Watching her immediate family during the mass made me so sad for them. I grew up with her children, so while she was my cousin, she was much more like an aunt.

The two readings selected for the mass were so appropriate for her. The first was that of the Proverbs woman. This was so fitting for her. She raised four children, including a special needs child who is profoundly retarded among other disabilities. She loved that special child as much as her three healthy children. During the mass today, her special daughter began to laugh. Her caretakers ushered her out because it really wasn't appropriate timing, but I had to smile and think that my cousin had to be pleased to know her daughter was happy and oblivious to the sadness around her.

The other passage was Matthew 11:28-30:
Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.

That was another good one for her. She was such a dear woman and I regret not making more time to be a part of her life. But, she was busy with her job, her children and grandchildren and I've been busy with my life, as well. I was curious and looked at our last email exchange, which was right after Little Bit's Nutcracker performance. I shared the video with her and this was her response:

She was adorable, and I can see why you loved it. (B's daughter) was and is our actress, and she never met a stage she didn’t like. Me—I can’t muster the courage to speak in front of more than 5 people! When she was in high school plays, I would get physically sick watching her, because I was nervous for her. Even though she wasn’t one bit nervous and absolutely loves being on stage, any stage. Glad (Army of Dad) got a job, looks like it’s going to get rough out there. My family is fine, Thanksgiving was our first major holiday without (B's sister-in-law - who passed away last year), and it was tearful, but good. Christmas will be tough, too. I hope your family’s Christmas is a blessed one. Say hello to your parents for me.

I saw cousins and aunts that I haven't seen for a few months, so that was nice to at least give them a hug. I didn't get to visit for very long because everyone was going different directions. One of my aunts, who still doesn't like me for whatever reason, recoiled when I tried to put my arm around her. Not sure why I keep trying, but that is just my personality, I suppose. As much as I say I hate people, I really don't. I try to exude love to all those around me and when it isn't returned, I'm usually at a loss.

I'm not sure what I'm feeling right now, to be honest. I'm grateful for my family and their good health and sad that it takes such a tragic loss for me to look around and take stock of my blessings.